You hit me with a cricket bat. It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness. It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME!

It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. You hit me with a cricket bat. You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?